I left Christianity and ceased wearing tunics in 2017. While I could edit this reflection to erase the Christian theology behind it, I've chosen to leave it in it's original form.
I believe it is important to acknowledge the places that I've been, and the ways in which I tried to bridge the religion that didn't have space for me, with my longing to be fully
recognized as made in the image of G-d. My spiritual path has now led me to Judaism which I'm tracking at Becoming Jewish. In terms of clothes
, I currently use the sewing skills aquired during those years to make fabulous dresses, pants, and skirts for my partners & I.
From 2014 - 2017 I made the conscious decision to express my gender by wearing gender neutral tunics,
many of which had a pronoun patch embroidered on them to make it easier for people to actually see me (and not just
make assumptions about me).
In May 2014 I made the conscious choice to donate the majority of my clothes to charity
and begin to wear tunics on a daily basis. The main reasons I did this were:
Are you a monk? A nun?
No, I am not affiliated with a religious order. I am a Christian who made a temporary commitment to simplicity in clothing in order to provide space for
spiritual growth. While I did draw inspiration from the monastic traditions my decision to pursue this path was not tied to pursing a monastic life.
By temporary you mean...?
I initially made this commitment for one year, from May 2014 to May 2015. Once the temporary commitment ended I realized that I was more comfortable in tunics than I had been in any other form of apparel. Recognizing that I wanted to continue to present myself in this manner, I created two new garments during the summer and fall of 2015, this time adding embroidery to reflect different expressions of my identity.
Beyond that time temporary meant that I had not committed to this style permanently. Still, the comfort, simplicity and practicality of my tunics means that this year long exercise expanded into three years.
Are you a Rennie? SCAdian?
Not in the way you might expect. My decision to wear tunics on a daily basis is not related to my interest in medieval history, but rather is centered in
a spiritual exercise. At the same time I have been involved with the Society for Creative Anachronism(SCA) since I was 14. In the SCA I learned to
appreciate doing things in a historical fashion, how to research different crafts and the importance of durability in clothing. While my decision to wear
tunics isn't related to the SCA, I certainly credit the individuals there with helping me build the skills which have made this change possible.
Isn't this anachronistic? Out of it's proper time?
Absolutely. Giving away all of ones clothes and wearing tunics is as out of place today as creating a website would be in the middle ages. The anachronism is part of the beauty for me. Having spent most of my life being told I don't belong; I find I treasure in those things which others say don't quite fit.
Also, I've found that my religion and faith are rooted in anachronism. As a Christian I worship using an ancient liturgy with centuries old prayers, live and serve in this present time, and act as a citizen of the future Dominion of God. For me to fit the expectations of this time would be to deny the Spirit I've been entrusted with.
Aren't you hot in that?
Tunics are loose and breath easily. I'm far more comfortable in hot weather than I ever have been before.
How many of those do you own?
Throughout most of this time I had one to two tunics for each season, one embroidered for professional wear, the other plain for crafting, construction, and other messy work. My summer tunics are linen, which was chosen for its ability to breath and it's coolness. My winter tunics are a cotton canvas chosen for its durability and weight.
Green has a cultural association with life and growth. It also had an aesthetic appeal for me in being a natural color. Finally, green is dark enough to make it easy to keep clean even with daily use.
How did you make your tunics?
I followed this pattern.
Why'd you stop wearing them?
Great question. It was a combination of fatigue and new opportunities. After three years I was
exhausted by the public visibility of being non-binary and was experiencing anti-trans discrimination
multiple times per day. As I neared total exhaustion I also encountered some awesome science themed dresses from
Svaha. Between that, and with my partners help, I realized that I could still be queer even if I didn't want to be
constantly marked as non-binary.
So why is this still on your website?
A frequent problem I've encountered in the transgender community is the assumption that
only mainstream narratives are real. I've chosen to leave this archive online because it is
important for people to have access to this journey and the possibilities that it opens. If conventional
gender concepts don't work for you, feel free to invent your own. They may stick, or not, and either is ok.
I have no regrets about the period in which my gender expression was "queer medieval monastic" and want
others to know that it's ok to explore your gender, even if you understand yourself differently later.
Copyright © Azariah Liron 2020