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Name History

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Over the course of our lives our understanding of ourselves may change. Sometimes a new understanding is signified with a change in name as we endeavor to share our insights about ourselves with those around us. I've changed my name several times to reflect an ongoing conversation about my identity with myself and my communities.

Throughout this site you will find that I have referred to myself by many different names, pronouns, and titles. Partly this was for simplicity, as it would be difficult to retroactively change my name on the primary documents. However, my various names are also a way of reflecting the different outlooks I've had over the years. The serve as a way of reminding myself of the breadth of experience that I have known. The fact that I have chosen to share my previous names does not mean that it would be right for another person. It is the height of rudeness to reject the name a person chooses for themself and inquire about previous names that they have had.

Socially I have decided to start using my new Hebrew name (עזריה לירון / Azariah Liron) for most social interactions. Given the financial and emotional cost of legal processes, and the realization that my name still changes every few years, I have decided to keep Ari Leigh as a legal name of convience. I still use they/them pronouns, and prefer the title Mx. when a title is required.

עזריה לירון מבית שרה ואברהם (Azariah Liron Mibeit Sara v'Avraham) (May 2020 - Current) [Hebrew, Social]

A truth I have learned about myself is that I experience as fluid things many others percieve as static. Names are at the top of the list of things that taught me this about myself. Since 2011, it seems that every two years or so something changes in me that I want to honor in what I am called. Sometimes this change comes from something I am drawn towards, other times it is something that I need to move away from. Often it is both, for it is impossible to arrive at a new destitination without leaving one's current place.

In late April 2020, in the midst of the first wave of the COVID-19 pandemic, I began to grow uneasy with my name. It was a like an itch. Yes, it was my name. But it still didn't feel quite right. As I was in studies with others who held that name, I saw that I was more comfortable with Ari refering to them, rather than myself. After an extremely painful incident in which I realized that the work I poured my heart and soul into was not valued by those I performed it for, I decided that I wanted to lean into this discomfort. As this decision was made, I returned to my notes. Unsurprisingly, it had been just over two years since I had taken the name Ari, which was taken two years after I Andrew Amanda and so on.

One of my reactions to the desire for a new name was a heavy sigh at the enormous amount of paperwork a name change involves. Because of that I decided to make this transition solely a social one. Unlike my past transitions, I feel no invalidation in keeping a separate legal name for the sake of convience. Those who care about me, who want to see the me that I am becoming, won't require documentation to call me the name that brings me joy.

עזריה (Azariah)	I fell in love with this name way back in 2015. It's meaning "God has helped", from the root עזר (to surround, to help, to protect from Jastrow pg. 1062) and יה which is a condensing of the Tetragrammaton or the awesome verb of being with which HaShem named Godself to Moses. That name translates to something like "I am that I am" and "I will be what I will be". Thus together, the name Azariah celebrates the surrounding, helping, protecting power of HaShem. At the time I came to this name, I wasn't ready for it. I was still a Christian, and had no sense of what gender meant to me. The name was beautiful, but also foreign and distant. It was not yet mine to claim. So I gave the name instead to my beloved emotional support cat, who carried it through 2018. As the itch to change my name reappeared, I knew very quickly that I wanted to take on the name Azariah. It was as though it had waited for me. Waiting for me to study, to grown, and understand them. As I read the Psalm of thanksgiving I recently wrote, I knew that it was time to return to a name of deep meaning. A name that speaks to the person I've been, and the person that I will become.
לירון (Liron)	I initially chose this name because it means "my joy" or "my song". I's root, which is tied to muttering and complaint, brought me to a deeper appreciation of this name. I love it's complexity, and the queer way it links things that many would view as incompatible. My life is a cycle of complaints and songs, of joy found in the midst of sorrow and pain. Liron encompasses the richness of that life experience, and celebrates that the many years ahead of me will likely be filled with both sides of this name.
מבית (Mibeit)	A forumulation that means "from the house of". Jewish culture is rooted in our ancestors and our families. Queer and gender nonconforming folks have been exploring ways around the gendered forumulation of "bat" and "bar" for years. With the release of Mishkan Ga'Avah, I noticed that there appears to be a consensus rising that "mibeit" is a clear way of affirming the connectedness of those who are neither daughters or sons. Thus I return the part of the name I once took in hesitation, but now with the confidence I name that I am truly of the house of my ancestors.
שרה (Sara)	It is a custom that those who were not assigned Jewish at birth take on as their ancestors the first converts to Judaism, Abraham & Sarah. I continue to chose to list Sarah first, because my path to Judaism stemmed from and is greatly nourished by queer and feminist engagagement with our traditions. I also wanted to honor in my names the often spoken over feminine voice. Furthermore I retain a spiritual resonance with Sarah's laughter at the announcement that she would get pregnant. For I too am yet again living the impossible joy of seeing fruitfullness spring from a life I assumed to be baren.
ואברהם (v'Avraham)	The "ו" vav is a prefix that means "and". So this last part of my name means "and Abraham". As a child is identified by the names of both parents, so too I wanted to be identified with both of our iconic ancestors.

Ari Leigh (Sept. 2017 - Current) [Legal, Professional, Social (ended May 2020)]

As much as I loved the richness of 'Andrew Amanda', and despite finding a loving community that saw and interacted with me as who I was, the intensity of discrimination I faced due to my name meant that a change was in order. For names are about more than reflecting our innermost selves, they are first and foremost about communication, and while Andrew Amanda enabled me to connect with many people who needed to see me, I simultaneously lost the ability to access key services due to discrimination. Thus I set out to find a new name that met three criteria, was short enough to be easy to say, allowed me to keep my same initials, and had a meaning I could resonate with.

Mx.	Pronounced "mix", this gender neutral title expresses the complexity of my gendered experiences.
Ari	Found by searching numerous name lists for gender neutral names that start with A, Ari has a rich history in many cultures. I resonate strongest with the Hebrew meaning of "lion", and it's associations with courage. The courage that name embodies for me ranges from standing firm in the face of discrimination to making space to acknowledge where I've made mistakes. It is a complex courage that involves holding ones ground in the storm, and having the wisdom to ask for help.
Leigh	From the old English word for meadow, it reflect my commitment to continue to seek time for peace and rest that holds and affirms the complexities of the human experience.
(Bullard)	An invisible surname that is not on the legal name change document. Because I preferred being called "Mx. Leigh" I decided to drop the hyphenated surname. Still this name feels like a part of me, and I still initial things as ALB.

ארי לירון ממשפחת שרה ואברהם (Ari Liron Mi'mishphachat Sara v'Avraham) (Sept. 2019 - April 2020) [Hebrew]

My first Hebrew name was a gift of Trans Jews Are Here: A Convening. As a part of the gather I was offered an aliyah, which I declined as I was not yet halachically Jewish. However, I mentioned that I had helped dress the Torah before, as I longed to be a part of the worship there. What I didn't realize was that the customs of Congregation Beit Simchat Torah were slightly different than those of my home shul. I was given a card that instructed me to put on a tallit, and be prepared to give my Hebrew name when I was called up. In that moment, I took on the name ארי מבית אברים ושרה following the customs that I knew. I chose mbeit at the time because I felt like a foster child among the people of Israel, working and waiting for the adoption to be finalized. At the mikvah, on the 18th of Elul 5779, I took on the name below as I became Jewish in the eyes of custom and the law.

ארי (Ari)	I kept my legal name as part of this one as it showed me one of the many places I was seeking connection with the Jewish people before I was conciously aware that this would be journey.
לירון (Liron)	While I knew that I wanted to acknowledge the continuity of my journey, I also wanted becoming Jewish to be filled with new things for my new life. I chose this name because it means "my joy" or "my song", with a root that is also tied to muttering and complaint. I love it's complexity, and the queer way it links things that many would view as incompatible.
ממשפחת (Mi'misphachat)	A forumulation that means "from the family of". Jewish culture is rooted in our ancestors and our families. I chose this name to celebrate that my adoption into the Jewish people was complete.
שרה (Sara)	It is a custom that those who were not assigned Jewish at birth take on as their ancestors the first converts to Judaism, Abraham & Sarah. I chose to list Sarah first, because my path to Judaism stemmed from queer and feminist engagagement with our traditions. I also wanted to honor in my name the often spoken over feminine voice. Furthermore I have a spiritual resonance with Sarah's laughter at the announcement that she would get pregnant. I too have the impossible joy of seeing fruitfullness spring from a life I assumed to be baren.
ואברהם ss(Avraham)	The "ו" vav is a prefix that means "and". So this last part of my name means "and Abraham". As a child is identified by the names of both parents I wanted to be identified with both of our iconic ancestors.

Mx. Andrew Amanda Leigh-Bullard (2015-2017) [Legal, Professional, Social]

My legal name from July 2016 - Sept 2017, it reflected my desire to claim the fullness of my experience. It is a shorter form of the name I began using in 2013, having been simplified in order to adapt to cultural limitations. I started using my full first name (AndrewAmanda) in daily life during the fall of 2015 after being made aware of other cultures in which dual first-names are a common practice. This change was also prompted by gender dysphoria. The nickname "Andy" that held a lot of meaning for me began to feel constricting because it was being used by the communities I was in to force me into a 'masculine' role. I knew it was time for a change when I realized that I was using the nickname 'Andy' for other peoples comfort to such a degree that it was masking the truth that I'd been given to share.

Mx.	A gender neutral title which expresses my understanding of myself as being agender.
Andrew	Celebration of the times I've lived as Andrew.
Amanda	Celebration of the times I've lived as Amanda.
Leigh	From the old English word for meadow, it was a prayer for the peaceful serenity I sought in naming myself truly.
-Bullard	Retains the connection to my father along with being the anchor which had been used in all of my names up to this point.

Mx. Andrew Leigh Amanda LeAnn Bullard (2013 - 2015, written) [Social]

In January 2013 I began to be aware that my gender was not limited to a masculine presentation. I wrestled with this for a few months, finding comfort in the term "bigender". In early spring I began to take steps to reclaim the femininity I had set aside during my first transition. As I grew more comfortable with myself as being both male and female I began to take steps to share this insight publicly. I did so by creating a signature which combined my legal and my birth names, affirming that both were critical to my understanding of myself. I began to use this name online, along with gender neutral pronouns, in the summer of 2013. It became my preferred method of signing documents in the fall of that year.

Mx.	A gender neutral title which expressed my understanding of myself as being both male and female.
Andrew Leigh	Affirmed connection to my life experiences as a man who was comfortable with a masculine identity.
Amanda LeAnn	Affirmed connection to my life experiences as a woman who was comfortable with a feminine identity.
Bullard	Retained the connection to my father along with being the bridge which had been used in both my legal and my birth name.

Andy Leigh-Bullard (2013 - 2015, spoken) [Professional, Social]

As I moved to New Haven, CT in August 2013 I realized that I strongly desired to complete my transition to living as both male and female, having experienced the painful limits imposed on male and female identities. As I had been socialized to believe that Andrew Leigh Amanda LeAnn Bullard was prohibitively lengthy to use for spoken conversation I sought a nickname that I would both be comfortable with and that could still reflect the fullness of who I'd become. During this time I also began to use "they/them" pronouns.

Andy	Short for both Amanda and Andrew. Amanda shortens to "Mandy" which is then able to be shortened to Andy. Andy is also classic nickname for Andrew. This made Andy the obvious choice for daily use.
Leigh-Bullard	A hyphenated surname which reflects my aesthetic preference for Leigh and my desire for the familial tie to the name Bullard. In spoken conversation the "Bullard" was often dropped, leaving my name "Andy Leigh" or "Mx. Leigh".

Andrew Leigh-Bullard (2011 - 2013) [Legal, Professional, Social]

During my 2011 transition to male I searched for a name which would reflect the person I thought I was becoming. I settled on Andrew Leigh-Bullard by reversing and expanding my middle name and adding my father's surname. This worked on multiple levels as I also appreciated the ability to keep the same initials while many other things in my life were changing. I started using Andrew Leigh-Bullard in April 2011 and the legal name change was approved in Lyon County, KS on July 5, 2011. During this process I also started to be referred to by "he" pronouns.

Andrew	Originally selected for it's similarity in sound to "Ann" I was also drawn by it's Greek meaning of "male/masculine" and "warrior". I hoped that a strong name would give me the strength for the challenging transition ahead. A few months after I had completed the name change I returned to the Christian church and developed a new appreciation for the name, this time centered in it's association with Saint Andrew.
Leigh	Old English for "meadow" I chose this name because it reminded me of the serenity of sitting outside, looking over a vast natural space and feeling calm. At the time I felt I needed to have in my name something that reminded me of my peaceful contemplative spirit to balance the active warrior sense of myself that Andrew embodied.
-Bullard	A hyphenated surname was selected so that I could go by Andrew Leigh (or even Mr. Leigh) in spoken conversation, while retaining a legal tie to my father's name.

Amanda LeAnn Bullard (1989 - 2011) [Legal, Professional, Social]

The name my parents gave me at birth. I was raised as girl using "she" pronouns.

Amanda	Latin for "Beloved, Worthy of Love" I clung to this name as a child because it affirmed an inherent self-worth which I was missing in many of the cultural narratives I heard growing up.
LeAnn	My parent's chose this because Amanda Ann didn't sound right. Ann is my mother's middle name, and thus LeAnn is a connection to her.
Bullard	My father's surname.